Happiness - thoughts and actions

Happiness - what is it and how do you enhance it?

I had a good discussion regarding happiness with a friend last night. It has been a topic that I have given a lot of thought to recently. I’m very aware of ensuring my happiness as I’m in a new stage in my life:

• I’m in a new province without a social network. 
• I’m not working outside the home so I don’t have that intellectual engagement and social interaction. 
• And lastly, I’m in mourning - my Mum died last month and I have two sisters who are ill and experiencing significant cognitive decline. 

So I recognize that I need to be conscious of my happiness. Based on my experience, happiness is not a passive outcome. You have to be conscious of what makes you happy and take ownership of your own happiness. No one, no situation will give me a lasting sense of being happy. 

So what actions do I take to create happiness for myself?

Physical activity is very important to me. I did hot yoga last month and now that I’m in a new home surrounded by trails and woods, I’m having some particularly lovely walks with the puppy. These walks are a source of joy. 

I need to enhance my social network. The plan is to join curling as a spare in January and meet a variety of people. Similarly, I’ll join yoga here at the residence centre and look for different activities and learning opportunities where I can meet people. 

That being said, I plan to make a greater effort to connect with loved ones be it through Christmas cards, texts, emails, or social media posts. I’m blessed that I have the means to fly to connect with those I love. I’m using this blog as a means to connect, as well. 

I also need intellectual stimulation to feel happy. I recently read the book, Sapiens: a brief history of humankind by Yuval Noah Harare. It has been very thought provoking and engaging. The premise of the book in three  sentences is below: (full summary follows on this page: https://jamesclear.com/book-summaries/sapiens)

Human history has been shaped by three major revolutions: the Cognitive Revolution (70,000 years ago), the Agricultural Revolution (10,000 years ago), and the Scientific Revolution (500 years ago). These revolutions have empowered humans to do something no other form of life has done, which is to create and connect around ideas that do not physically exist (think religion, capitalism, and politics). These shared “myths” have enabled humans to take over the globe and have put humankind on the verge of overcoming the forces of natural selection.

Sapiens also discusses happiness briefly. It acknowledges and provides scientific studies that illustrate psychological needs that all animals need (including sapients). But the section of biology I found interesting and a perspective I hadn’t given much thought. Biologists believe that our mental and emotional state is governed by biochemical mechanisms shaped by a complex system of nerves, neurones, synapse and various biochemical substances. “Lasting happiness comes only from serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.”

Furthermore, evolution has moulded us to be neither too miserable nor too happy. Our bodies like consistency and our human biochemistries is compared to an air-conditioning system that keeps the temperature constant. Events might momentarily change the temperature, but our internal systems returns things to the same set point. 

This helps explains why there are the “Eeyore” personalities in our social groups (Winnie the Pooh character). Human happiness systems differ from person to person. Like an air conditioning system, some of us have a high set point and others have a low set point. On a scale from one to ten, some people are born with a cheerful biochemical system that allows their mood to swing between levels of six and ten, stabilizing in time at eight.

Other people (Eeyore) have a gloomy biochemistry that swings between three and seven and stabilizes at five. The book describes this person as remaining depressed even if the person enjoys the support of a tight-knit community, good family supports, doesn’t want for money and has good health:

Indeed, even if our gloomy friends wins $50 M in the morning, discovered the cure for both AIDAS and cancer by noon, makes peace between Israelis and Palestinians that afternoon, and then in the evening reunites with her long-lot child who disappeared years ago — she would still be incapable of experiencing anything beyond level seven happiness. Her brain is simply not build for exhilaration, come what may.

Biologists as not presented as fanatics, thankfully. They maintain that “happiness is determined mainly by biochemistry, but they agree that psychological and sociological factors also have their place.”

But happiness is also paradoxical. Any parent will attest to the moments of drudgery involved in raising a child - diapers, colic, repetitive children’s TV, rebellious teenagers, etc. Yet, children are often our primary source of happiness. I remember being exhausted at the end of the day and then gazing at my baby and feeling thrilled and filled with joy. 

In summary, if happiness is based on pleasurable feelings, then increasing our happiness is a matter of increases biochemical release. If happiness is based on meaning, then increasing our happiness is a matter of deluding ourselves about the meaning of our lives. Perhaps it is one reason why an afterlife is often prevalent in different religions.  If there is an afterlife, it gives meaning to your present life. 

I tend to embrace Nietzsche who noted, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Interestingly, Buddhism has studied happiness for over 2,000 years. Buddhism shares many viewpoints on happiness with modern science. Most notably, that happiness results from processes within the body and not from the outside world.

The Buddhist philosophy of happiness centres around the idea that you are not the events that happen to you, but you are also not the feelings you have. You are not your feelings. They are just feelings. Thus, if you understand this, you can release the needs to keep chasing the need to feel happy or to not feel angry or to not feel sad. In short, you have to understand yourself. 

Again, Sapiens is a wonderful book that is engaging, thought provoking and yet is accessible. 

Where am I now?

Since I cannot change my biology and its set point, I can ensure that my psychological and sociological factors are managed so I can create/ maintain happiness. So I have two options based on Sapiens: 

1. Seek pleasant experiences  

With this in mind, and my own understanding of myself, I will continue to exercise and try new sports and physical activities (serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin?)

Creativity is an important element in my happiness so I’ll be nurturing those aspects and opportunities, as well. I started knitting again, and goodness knows I have lots of fabric to make a number of quilts. I’m going to keep with the approach of trying new things and I’m looking for new creative outlets. I just have to remember that it is the process that provides the happiness, not necessarily the output.

My home life has always been key to my happiness and we just moved into a lovely house, and I’m in the process of creating a warm and supportive home environment to support me and my family. The puppy is also an element of a happy home and although he takes a lot of effort, he is a wonderful little support too. He gives my days structure and he is a joy - something the entire family shares. It’s much nicer giving my daughter updates on the puppy rather than asking her how her studies are going.   

I now have a beautiful and well appointed kitchen so good food will continue to be a priority and a means of pleasure. I made muffins today. I haven’t made muffins in years!

Learning opportunities will also be a priority. I plan to join a hiking club, and enrolling into an area of study. Mental engagement is key. And I need to write. I plan to continue to add posts, and I also have a series of stories I want to write for Eliyah - more on that on another post. 

2. Create meaning in my life (or as noted in Sapiens, delude myself that my life has meaning) 

I recognize that working in libraries gave my life a degree of meaning. I knew my actions were making life better for the community I served and staff. I took particular pleasure in engaging and supporting staff and creating an environment where people could thrive. 

Generally, I worked with interesting and multi-talented people. I don’t have that anymore now that I’m technically retired, and I’m ok with this. But I also understand that I cannot go from such a demanding mentally engaging job to doing nothing mental.  Writing is one strategy to keep mentally engaged. 

But work was not the only thing that gave my life meaning. I will continue to prioritize my family and relationships. Being a loving and supportive wife, mum, friends, sister, etc. Healthy relationships have given me great joy and support. I want to continue to have a good relationship with my husband and daughter. My extended family dynamics are changing once again - Mum died and two sisters have significant cognitive decline / illness. All family members are now far away. Michael’s parents are declining and I know it weighs heavily on him but I am comforted that his sister lives close by to them. 

Other opportunities to give my life meaning will come up, I’m sure, and in the meantime, I plan to join curling and other activities to increase my social network. I’m blessed with enough money that I can fly and see beloved friends and family — I need to schedule those, not just assume they will spontaneously happen. 

I will look for ways to add to the many different communities that engage me, and develop my why, as noted by Nietzsche.

Butterfly of happiness

And while I say happiness is something that you must create, I also believe that you cannot be in a constant flurry of activity as a means to achieve it. You can’t always be striving for it. You need periods of quiet and calm in order for the “butterfly of happiness to land on your shoulder.”

Many of us can remember moments of peace and quiet so often associated with happiness:

• The utter sense of peace after a significant snow fall. The quiet is a gift
• The peace and joy you can feel in an art gallery. I have my special destinations at the AGO and ROM for example
• Watching a camp fire

Excited about the future

In closing, I’m excited about what the future will hold. I look forward to this new stage in my life. Getting here has been a lot more difficult than anticipated. Change is hard. Michael and I are entering a new stage in our marriage and it’s feeling very good. Our daughter is growing and creating her own life and being part of it, albeit in the peripherals, is exciting and hopeful. I also believe that this may be the most creative period of my life. I’m open for new opportunities and trying new things. 

So here is to happiness - creating it, finding it, enhancing it and sharing it. 

Next post: Winter in Alberta…

Mum’s passing

Mum passed away yesterday. 

I have so many feelings and memories that keep bubbling up since I heard the news that I’m trying to focusing on good memories and things that were quintessentially Mum. Like some of the following:

Mum loved music and received great joy from her piano. 

 

Clothes: Mom liked to look good and appreciated rich fabrics and colours. 

Sweets and desserts of all kinds: Dinner was something that you got through in order to get to dessert.  

In her younger days, she made desserts with abandonment! Gingerbread houses, chocolates, Bundt cakes, squares, tarts and pie, to name a few. I remember in particular her pride and the care she took in making meringue. Her lemon meringue pies were a thing of beauty. Do you remember the meringue drop cookies she made with peanuts that still had their skins on?

One Christmas, she made a Pavlova that was a thing of beauty. I didn’t fully appreciative it at the time. I was disappointed at the time as I’m not a big fan of meringue, but I did appreciate how impressive this cloud of a dessert looked like. 

And while I don’t care for meringue, I did love her pies. Her shredded apple pie with a strudel topping was one of her favourites to make. Her rhubarb pie was tart but Fred loved them… On occasion, she would make a pecan pie. 

But I believe Mum’s favourite dessert was ice cream. She often said that whoever invented ice cream deserved a place in heaven. Both Mum and Dad loved ice-cream. There was always ice cream in the freezer growing up and we had a lot of ice cream floats.

They should have bought shares in Baskin Robbins. I remember one visit there in particular - I was in school and they invited me out for ice cream. Of course, I was directed to order first, and while I ordered a single scoop, they ordered banana splits and triple scoop sundaes. I felt so foolish with my little scoop. 

Yes, they lived large. No single scoop would suffice for them in life.

Nothing was done in half measures when it came to their dreams and goals. When they travelled for example, they made sure it included whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry on top. And they travelled far and wide. I wished they had added some sprinkles to their day-to-day life but you can’t have ice cream sundaes and banana splits every day. 

In the end, Mum’s double scoop ice cream sundaes came in the form of her grandchildren and children. They were her joy that surpassed anything Baskin Robbins could scoop up. 

So this evening, I’m having ice cream in Mum’s honour. I cannot have a double scoop - I didn’t inherent her stomach, but I will savour it. And in my mind, I’ll be sitting at the Baskin Robbins table, sharing ice cream with Mum and Dad once again. 

Hot Yoga

In the spirit of trying something new, I joined a hot yoga studio called HotSpot. Going into a hot room - approximately 38-40 degrees Celsius is reported to have inherent benefits including greater flexibility because your body does not have to warm up. 

Going into a hot room never appealed to me in the past, but the studio is right around the corner and as mentioned, I’m embracing change and being open to new things.

Upon entering the hot yoga room, it was immediately evident that “hot yoga” is a misnomer. I would have called it “Sahara hot” as opposed to merely “hot” but the humidity was too high. “Too F-ing hot” also came to mind. I was convinced the room was 130 degrees F and was a bit disappointed that it was 38-40 C. 

At this temperature you sweat. You sweat even when you’re sitting still. When going through the more challenging poses, I swear my eye balls are sweating. I leave with wet clothing. 

Do I like hot yoga? 

Absolutely. I’m going almost daily. My focus has been on the hips class - I want to keep nimble for curling. I also like the “reset” class as a way to stay balanced. I have yet to attend a “flow” class. I’m not sure I could keep up for a full hour of flowing from one move to another, although I successfully completed a flow / reset combo class. The “fire” class terrifies me and I have no intention of checking out that class, but I am working up to a full flow. 

Discoveries?

This practice is very good for my body. I don’t have a new osteopath yet, and I question whether I would have needed monthly treatments if I had been practicing yoga. I feel taller afterwards and more fluid. Tired, as well. Moving and and ongoing change put more stress on my body than I realized. I carry stress in my neck and shoulders and this helps immensely. I had to get new leggings though - the lightest possible, and also a warm coverup for afterwards.

My only criticism with this studio is that they do not offer instruction. I’ve only seen an instructor “adjust” a person’s pose once. In the past, the instructor was always making suggestions and helping people achieve poses. In the past, I reflected on the fact that I had been taking yoga instruction for 3 years, and they continued to adjust and correct my downward dog. 

Another discovery at one of my early classes involved a vivid flashback to my childhood on the farm. It was wintertime and I was bundled up to get to the barn, but upon entering the pig barn, my glasses steamed up and I was assaulted by the heat (and smell). Like hot yoga, it was also humid and you immediately had to start removing clothing due to the heat. So many pigs create a lot of heat and like hot yoga, I’m pretty sure it was 38 to 40  degrees Celsius. 

What’s next?

I’m excited about my home gym in the new house but my vision has changed. Yes, I’ll have my weights and treadmill in the space - I also have secured a bench, but I’m also visualizing doing yoga in this room. It won’t be hot, but I will incorporate subtle lighting with “fake” candles and look for some guided practice. 

So I continue to attest that “hot yoga” is a misnomer, but I don’t have a particularly better name that doesn’t include profanity. It may well be a fad, but I plan to continue to do hot yoga for the foreseeable future.

Namaste  

Change, BIG change

I’ve written many times about change and managing change in the workplace. And while I have an understanding of the steps, this change is personal and significant as it impacts almost every aspect and relationship in my life. 

Background: my husband’s job was relocated to Alberta. Being older, I was able to take an early retirement, albeit reduced, and my husband continues to work. He will not be able to retire at 55 and will work until 60 years of age. 

Current situation: we are in a downtown rental unit in Alberta with the goal to find a house as quickly as possible. 

The plan: embrace this change as an opportunity to grow and develop. I’m consciously trying new things and incorporating healthy choices and creativity into every day. 

The execution: I anticipate that this blog will be about the execution.  

For example, in my first week here, I joined a hot yoga studio. I haven’t practiced or had yoga instruction for a long time - close to 10 years. Regardless, I put on my yoga pants, walked over to the studio and signed up for a one month introductory offer where I can go as often as I like. I’ve been going 6 days a week. 

Doing something creative each day is more challenging. Typically, I find making meals is an enjoyable and creative process but not in this rental unit’s kitchen. Instead, I bought some knitting needles and relearning how to knit. I knit as a teenager, but that was a long time ago. 

So I’ll let you know how things are going…

Next post: hot yoga. What I’ve discovered.