Constructive Conversations

Constructive conversations

In an earlier post, push pull conversations – getting a shared reality for each other - were discussed.  The model is useful in many situations and is a skill that needs to be fully developed. More frequently though, leaders need to have constructive conversations to provide feedback and coaching on what is occurring or has recently occurred.  

Feedback, or providing information about performance is essential to learning, and improving staff. Every staff member should be able to give an example of when you gave them feedback. Constructive conversations are essentially the following:

1. Positive reinforcement. Catch people doing things right and give positive reinforcement for good performance. Simple, verbal recognition for a job well done is the easiest to do and most highly valued. 
2. Course correction:  This kind of conversation (or series of conversations) provides feedback and make suggestions for modifying behaviours to improve performance. 
3. Review expectations: ensuring staff understands and is aligned with expectations is a good practice and avoids unpleasant surprises in the future. And don’t assume the or think expectations are obvious. For example, if you expect people to be at their desks and ready to work at 8:30 am be explicit. Stating that the work day starts at 8:30  am is not explicit enough for some individuals. 

Make your life easier: I encourage you to know your staff and understand their preferred method of receiving constructive feedback and they way they best process information. Regardless, you may want to reinforce the conversation with an email. Having an email trail makes performance evaluations easier when you are able to give solid examples of performance.  

Here are some other suggestions to ensure you have effective constructive conversation. They were shared with me at a recent leadership forum (Inventive Talent Consulting, copyright 2013):

• Don’t confuse performance with development. Coaching for performance is looking in the rear-view mirror and addresses the specifics of what was accomplished, how it was accomplished, and the impact of the accomplishment. Development conversations are looking through the front windshield.  These are fundamentally different conversations.  One of the major errors of performance management processes is the combination of performance review and development – given the choice, the manager will focus on the development conversation because it’s almost always easier. 

• Be timely. Feedback and reinforcement is most effect when given immediately.  Frequent feedback and reinforcement is best when new skills and behaviours are being learned. Once it is clear good performance is established and consistently demonstrated, it’s more effective to offer it more intermittently.

• Be specific. It is more helpful to provide specific is more helpful and constructive than general comments, such as, “good job.” Comment on the specific elements such as the quality, productivity, timeliness, etc.  

• Be authentic. Staff recognize when feedback is given in an impersonal and inattentive manner.  If you care about performance, if you care about your staff, give meaningful and authentic feedback. 

• Be direct. When we are deliver good news, we get right to the point, but people have a tendency to avoid difficult issues.  Being direct is particularly important when you have to have the tough conversations.  Don’t sugar coat it, but rather address it head-on.  And for goodness sake, don’t accumulate them and speak to the staff member when they reach your own personal tipping point.  Look to Tuesday’s post regarding directness to help guide you. 

• Know your people. You have a responsibility to know your staff as individuals.  Interact with each person as a unique person and respect their individuality. Modify your feedback to best meet their preferences. 

• Address the impact of performance.  In addition to providing specific feedback about behaviours, ensure to address the impact of performance on others.

• Remove obstacles.  When your staff struggle to achieve their goals, you have a responsibility to find out why.  You may need to provide tools, resources, or provide guidance. As a leader, it is your responsibility to remove organizational obstacles to performance. And ask people what they need from you.  Use your leadership power and influence to do remove the obstacles they cannot remove themselves.  

• Leave your ego out of it.  Constructive conversations are not about you. Focus on your staff member and the performance in question. 

• Check your intentions. Constructive conversations are supposed to be helpful. Don’t let personal agendas to intrude in the conversations. Focus on the well-being of the organization and the success of your team. Your intentions will shape the nature and effectiveness of your conversations. 

• Courage. Most staff members want more feedback rather than less.  They want a leader who is authentic and who genuinely cares about them. They want to know what you think and hear your suggestions for growing and providing value. When you realize this and ensure you let go of your ego, you will find it easier to have the courage to have the difficult conversations. 

Directness

Yesterday we discussed the benefits of initiating push pull conversations. Let me clarify that this does not mean you have to take indirect approach or arrange for a meeting. Being direct has its benefits and allows you to be get to the person’s reality quickly.  It also allows you to assert your reality face-to-face and in a timely manner.  

A direct approach should not be done if you cannot manage your emotions – with pull conversations the desire is to set aside judgement and seek to understand. That doesn’t mean you withhold what’s going on inside of you. Directness is being open to telling your truth with discernment strongly enforced on your part.  

Here are some examples directly from the book, Juice: the power of conversation by Brady G. Wilson: 

Situation: A colleague says something offensive in a meeting. You approach him afterwards and say, “I have concerns about your comment in the meeting, but first I’d like to understand your rationale. Then I’ll share my concerns.”

In this approach, you are 

• framing the conversation directly: “I have concerns”  
• reaching out in a desire to inquire into your colleague’s reality: “but first I’d like to understand your rationale
• letting him know that you’re going to be direct about your concerns after you understand his reality: “then I’ll share my concerns”

Being direct may not be your preferred style -- it doesn’t necessarily emote warmth.  It does create respect, clarity and long-term results and trust.  You need to approach these conversation with discernment and a desire to understand.

So make a point of being direct when the opportunity presents itself. And good luck.  It sounds like you're making progress in your new role.  

Push Pull Conversations

As are well aware, it’s your responsibility to have frequent and meaningful conversations with your employees.  I should emphasize that in your new leadership role it is crucial that you start having these conversation as soon as possible. It allows staff to get to know you and you to know them and start building trust. 

In this post, I’m going to refer to the book, Juice: the power of conversation. A consultant came to my organization to speak to leaders of the importance of crucial conversations -- the kind of conversations that have lasting impact and can build trust and momentum.  

Crucial Conversation: Push Pull 

Here is the Juice model that is covered in the book. It supports conversations in basically all situations (try it at home as well of the office). These steps build upon each other and although you may not get to step 5 immediately, there have been times in my experience when the first three steps occur in one sit-down meeting/conversation.  In other cases, the first three steps occur again and again as your respective realities become deeper and broader and people are more willing to share. 

Step 1: Pull out their reality

Put aside your judgements for the time being, and step into their world.  If it helps, pretend you are a journalist who is trying to truly see how they see things. Actually try to visualize their reality be it a front-line staff member, behind the scenes technology wiz, or your peer. It’s helpful to reflect back in your own words what you have heard them say to ensure you understand their reality and to allow them to feel understood. 

Step 2:  Pull them into your reality

Invite them into your world. Make it into a story to better engage them, and use language that makes you more relatable.  Help them see your reality. It is now the time to draw out the assumptions that you are operating from (and they may have). This should create a good dialogue. 

Step 3: Pull out the bigger reality

Your two worlds need to be brought together by illustrating the common ground.  It’s the perfect time to pose the question, “What is it we both want here?”

Explore this and watch for the bigger reality to emerge asking, “what would allow us to move forward?”

Again, summarize in your own words.

Step 4: Intelligent energy

When you get to the bigger reality, you release intelligent energy where people’s attention becomes focused.  People become engrossed in their work and a sense of passion for what they do. They understand the purpose of their work that creates drive and fuels behaviours that are high performing.

Step 5: High performing behaviours

This is a leader’s ideal world. At this point the intellectual energy is fueling employees as they start to understand and anticipate one another’s needs.  They leverage effects, collaborate and you feel synergies.  In short, staff members have one another’s back, including your own!

Step 6: Sustained Results

Remember that these conversations are worth the effort and time.  High-performing behaviours create sustained results and translate to improved quality of work, innovation and improved safety, retention, etc.


Ideally, use this model with face-to-face conversations.  You will find that it is easier to connect, build understanding and trust when you are together.  We can discuss some simple guidelines to help you use "Pull" conversations by email at a later date. 

In summary, the pull conversations have to be more than showing interest.  It is the desire to truly understand. Once you have established this understanding, invite people into your world.  

The new kid

The new kid 

You survived your first day, and your first week in your new role.  You're excited and keen to make an impact to the organization.  You continue to develop and revise your leadership strategy -- and you will probably continue to do so in the weeks to come. You are looking for that quick win that will help build your leadership momentum.  

You recognize that you are in active learning mode.  Not just about your new role, or organization, you are also learning a lot about individuals – those who report to you, peers and your boss, as well as yourself.  There is so much to learn that you may feel as if you’re trying to drink from a fire hose. But keep calm and be systematic about what you need to learn now and what you need to learn next. 

Systematic and focused

The key to ensure you learn quickly and thoroughly is to be systematic and focused. Determine what is the priority, and put your energy there for a defined period of time. You can tell individuals your plan and get feedback.  For example, the budget process has already been initiated so get all the information you can about the process and decision making to date. You may say to another colleague that you are putting your energies into the budget process, but you want to connect with them shortly to better understand their role, and further your understanding of the organization and its culture.

Your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness

As discussed, everyone needs to watch out for his/her strengths.  Your identified weakness has the potential to make you vulnerable, but remember, your strengths can do the same thing. Diligent attention to detail may have served you well in the past. It helped you suceed and get you are where you are today.  It is a strength.  It can also work against you if you also feel as if you need a high degree of control.  Right now, people are watching you as you start your new role, and it may make you feel compelled to tightly control aspects.  Be careful that you are not micromanaging your people in the areas you know best.  Engaged staff want to make their own contributions but if you create too many tight controls, it can be demoralizing. Watch for this deadly combination of attention to detail and control.

Build your team

There are benefits of moving to a new organization.  You are not supervising people who were once your peers.  Often times, your peers can be jealous and may work to undermine you.  Unfortunately, there is nothing to say that individuals in this new organization may not feel the same way.  Expect early tests of your authority and plan to meet them by being both firm and fair.  If you don’t establish the limits early, you will regret it. We'll talk about team building in the weeks to come.

Getting others to accept your promotion is an essential part of promoting yourself.  You have the opportunity to make your own team.  Your team may ultimately include those who are in currently place, and as you get to know these individuals, you will have a better sense of what they bring to the team.  This is the time to have good conversations to get to know each other and start to develop trust.  If there are individuals who are never going to accept the situation and you in your new role, then you will may have to look for opportunities to have them relocated to another department or area of the organization as soon as possible.  But it is early days yet.  Individuals who are resistant may benefit from some good conversations.

Next, let’s discuss having those meaningful conversations that make connections and benefit everyone.